My Blog

i thought i was losing my grip on books.  i planned to quit reading novels/fiction for a while just for the heck of it.  but as i sit here in front of the computer, trying to configure the coming year - as if this is possible - i realized, that why should i?  for a change?  but no.  i wouldn’t be needing any changes.  resolutions most of the times are just empty promises you make to yourself in order to have some solid ground to stand on.  that you’re for the better.  that you are progressing.  i did that for the past 6 years…and i am still me.

i’ll still be loving the same food.

i’ll still be talking to the same set of friends.

i’ll still be seeking out for new friends.

i’ll still be dreaming about the same person (or set of persons and things…).

i’ll still read novels.

i’ll still cram.

i’ll still live.

well maybe yosi + calamares ulo + sisig + ginger ale + popcorn + mineral water for dinner made me sick.

i spent the entire day yesterday lying in bed, thinking of things that i really love, tasks that i can’t wait to do, and people i cant wait to see.  well, i bet that was just part of the part hallucinations that i had while succumbing to the pain my sickness has brought me.

now, i guess i’m already feeling well.  it’s time to do the tasks i can’t wait to do…

there’s has never been more heavenly than having your friends with you, while you share the moments of the night drinking, smoking and talking about each other’s idiosyncrasies…trying to resolve each one’s problems…trying to sort out your long list of things to-do…

we did just that.  the cElL group on Cafe Havana.

"i’m infatuated.  very much infatuated."

it sounds funny to hear it from a guy.  or maybe i’m just too punch-drunk with pop songs by those little skimpy outfit-donning female artists that sing their lungs out about infatuation that i’m feeling way off whenever i’m hearing myself say this.  but i bet it’s true.  i’m willing to dig in on anything just to prove that this is what i am right now.

—————————————————————————————————————————

that’s just a starter.

i’ve always been a victim of inequality.  much as i’ve been a culprit for some inequalities.  it makes me think that life is really unfair.  i mean there’s no sense if you put equality first above things.  consider a rich man’s son who spends his life on vices and compare it to a poor fatherless man who steals for a f**king living.  consider that they die on the same day.  the rich man’s son had a heart attack straight to hell.  the poor fatherless man was shot in the head by a policeman who got pissed off chasing him around the shanties.  for sure this poor man will also go straight to hell.

and here comes the inequality.  both will share the worst pains in hell while one of them had his best time on earth and the other also living in his worst…

…and the thinking part begins.

is eating.  nothing beats a bountiful feast of meat, spices, and sweets: the fear of someone might get his/her hypertension in action, the desperation of will for wanting to try each of every food on the table, and the success of having a tummy overload.

so when the clock strikes 12 tonight, i know i’d be more than happy to perform this chore…

when can quitting be heroic?

it’s pretty whimsical to be making my first web log very few days before christmas.  i’m feeling invigorated by what many people call the christmas spirit: the petty caroling of the petty children, the confused dizzying christmas lights, the dwarfing christmas tree, and the dream of a christmas wish.  being pushed by a special occasion for you to feel some emotion is queer enough.  and trying to voice out what you really want is something else.  there are no thin lines.  only blurry regions where you can’t really decide on what you really are feeling.

IT is frightening to be found wanting.  it makes you want to quit.

quit on what?  on wanting?  a favorite writer of mine once wrote that quitting is nothing different from choosing.  it’s choosing not to do something.  not to do it for life.  not forgetting it, but rather allotting a little more space in you for the possibility of being raw.  of being new.  of being the "BE".